Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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(770): View more from Georgia

if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica

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(207): View more from Maine

Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

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(231): View more from Michigan

btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.

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(858): View more from California

answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????

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