Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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