Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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