You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
