What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
