My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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