i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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