Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
