i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
