How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
