New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
