They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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