No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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