Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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