I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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