Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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