She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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