i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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