so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
