thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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