Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
