but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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