"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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