I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
