I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
