The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
