I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
