i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
