I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
