Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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