so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
