he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
