Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
