Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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