I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
