wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
