Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
