Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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