we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
