You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
