Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
