i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
