Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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