Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
