Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
