At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
