so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she told me i tasted like america
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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