I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize