Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
