The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
