You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my liver is dry heaving
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
