At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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