Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
