Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
