I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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