Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
