Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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