Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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