Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
