yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im six kinds of drunk right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
