you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
