I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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