If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
