Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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