dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
