Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
