so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This baby is an asshole
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
