ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
