I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
