I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
