Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
