Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize