what day is it and did you see me today?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
