she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
