I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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