using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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