I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
