Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
