Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
