Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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