We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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