So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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